Starting Off 2010 With Vicodin

In launching this blog last year, I harkened back to my days as a sportswriter, when I drove editors crazy with articles too long and involved.

Taking myself too seriously - a twinkle-in-the-eye problem for me over the years - I thought that every blog post had to be a masterpiece, always telling a story, trying for humor, poignancy or pathos and delivering prose that I would be proud of longterm.

Problem is, I didn't really have time to produce the columns that I once penned as part of my sportswriting job with the (Bridgeport) Connecticut Post. And then -- without high school and college games to cover like back in the day -- I ran out of quality subject matter. Check that -- I ran out of interesting things to write about that wouldn't offend anyone.

I also missed the point of blogging, which requires frequency, provocative subject matter, photos, video, links galore, current events relevance and memorable coolness. All of that takes work--and time.

I absolutely admire bloggers like Mike Hayes (www.steadyburn.net), Bob Cook (www.yourkidsnotgoingpro.wordpress.com)and Greg Wiley (www.papabearmemoirs.blogspot.com). They get it and have for years now. I'm still trying.

Still, the subject of youth sports is as fertile an area as there is for provocative material, stuff you couldn't make up, juvenile adults, astoundingly mature children and the games, which make all the time and expense worthwhile.

So, I'm back in the saddle with shorter, more frequent posts on that subject and others related to the day-to-day adventures of a guy who goes to the games, likes to laugh -- and thinks he's funny (a few people agree).

Didn't think it was funny, though, when I had to finally resolve a longstanding kidney stone that was killing me for days at a time every couple of months or so from summer 2009 into the new year.

X-Rays and urologist appointments indicated a sizeable stone and I chose the pulverization route instead of the other option, which is the ultimate last resort, if you know what I mean. Got the doc to acknowledge that while I'd be out of commission for the day, I should be able to make a meeting that night - though no promises.

I planned accordingly, including the unpleasant 24-hour system cleansing process, and wife Kathi brought me in at 8:30 am for an 11:30 am procedure (don't you love our health care system?). Did the no-dignity robe thing and went under anesthesia on time, looking forward to putting this latest kidney stone ordeal behind me.

Problem was, the stone pulverization machine broke down and, out cold, I was unavailable to consider whether I really wanted them to "go in."

"Aha," they thought. "The wife can authorize the alternative and we wouldn't want this poor guy to have to drink another bottle of magnesium citrate to powerwash his system again, now would we?"

So, they went to Kathi, explained the situation and asked if she wanted to exercise her power of attorney. Aware of my trials of the past several months, she apprehensively gave the go-ahead, knowing that I needed it all to be over.

The end in sight, they "went in," but upon arriving at the location of the stone, there was nothing to dislodge. The stone had passed (thanks, Flomax) and what was showing up on the X-Rays was a calcification of residue in that exact location.

Oh, okay. I guess. One issue, though.

Problem with "going in" is that it is, well, INVASIVE SURGERY! Wait. I'm sorry. It was UNNECESSARY INVASIVE SURGERY!!

Necessary or not, the result of INVASIVE SURGERY is PAIN!

So, I missed my meeting that night, almost became addicted to Vicodin and spent the next week dehydrated (and off Flomax) so as to minimize the number of episodes of pain.

Postcript:

In the year 2010, medical technology still cannot definitively confirm the existence of a kidney stone.

Kathi did apologize, even though it wasn't her fault.

Flomax is a good thing. So is Vicodin.

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