DADS IN DENIAL: NBA.COM’S “DREADED P.G.A.”

What a trip it was when I started looking around the internet for youth basketball information when Mike started to show some promise as a player. He spent an entire spring playing for two hours per day in the driveway until he pretty much willed himself, with repetition, into becoming a good ball handler. I was having a blast and patting myself on the back for being the wonderful, well-adjusted father of a standout youth athlete.

There were more leagues than I ever knew about. Mike’s AAU coach told me about www.basketballdirector.com and I could not believe how many tournaments there were. In addition, there were day camps, shooting camps run by the famed Herb Magee, overnight camps at Villanova, Knights of Columbus Free Throw Shooting Contests and skills challenges.

We were doing everything we could find just for the action. The most fun were the games, because, of course, they kept score. And, after the games, we always had to talk about what had happened, whether I was coaching or not. Sometimes, it wasn’t easy and Mike wasn’t really interested, especially if he didn’t play well. But I always believed that my approach was perfectly appropriate – never overbearing, accentuating the positive, forgetting the turnovers and reinforcing the learning-by-experience process.

Still, we always talked about it right after the game; what else were we going to do on the ride home?

Then one day I went to NBA.com and started looking around for whatever programs they had for kids. I was certain that there had to be something since I had observed the league marketing machine as a fan of the sport over the years. I figured I’d see if there were any competitions that we could enter regionally so Mike could experience doing something associated directly with the NBA.

It was very cool to find a microsite called Jr. NBA www.nba.com/jrnba/ where there was all kinds of great stuff. The NBA had put real resources into the youth brand development component of its long-term marketing plan and the elaborate nature of the website was evidence of that. A letter to parents from Bill Walton. Pre-game meal suggestions for young players from Ray Allen. Just cool, fun, instructive content.

Then, I came upon a section with suggestions for young players called Relating to Your Parents. Another click and I saw the subhead: Dealing with the Dreaded P.G.A. The thought of golf flashed into my head and was quickly dismissed as I asked myself, “What the heck is P.G.A.” Reading on, I was informed that P.G.A. stands for Post Game Analysis. Getting defensive, I thought to myself, “What do they mean, ‘Dreaded.’”

“If you become the victim of a P.G.A. from your Mom or Dad..." was part of the copy that followed. What? Now I was really getting defensive. Dreaded? Victim? How dare they?

Then, again, there are all those news reports of over-the-top dads and I’ve witnessed a few unfortunately intense parking lot lectures myself. I guess it’s a legitimate point. There are certainly dads who get carried away.


“But that’s not the way it is with Mike and me,” I internalized. “Our conversations are constructive,” I continued, convincing myself beyond the slightest doubt. “Mike likes our post-game exchanges. And he appreciates their value.”

My wife, Kathi, will validate this for me.

“Steve, dreaded is the perfect word to describe it,” she lectured with a knowing half smile that put me on notice. “The kid doesn’t want it to happen and the father is desperate to share his insights. And everyone knows that the kid is not going to absorb much of it anyway.”

Dreaded? Victim? Now, desperate? But it’s different with Mike and me, right?

“Please,” she responded with a patronizing shake of the head.

Mike?

“Sorry, Dad. I just don’t look forward to it.” Mike offered candidly, not quite breaking my heart. “I just think it’s annoying. Dreaded is a good description.”

Okay, I’ll give you dreaded then, but victim? Come on now.

“Steve, a victim is somebody who is forced to do something they don’t want to do that could be painful. Something over which they have no control,” Kathi stated unflinchingly. “Isn’t that exactly what it is?”

C’mon, Mike. Help me out here. Victim is a little much, right?


“No, Dad. Sorry, again.” Mike said sympathetically. “You would, like, interrogate me about why I didn’t do something during the game. Victim is accurate.”

Ahhhh. Those two. They’re always ganging up on me for fun. And they're so cute when they exaggerate.

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